All dog owners, dogs and the common joe know how dog's make little puppies. But apparently my little female shipoo has it all mixed up.
The Factory Operator
Doggy Treats and Snacks Ltd
14 Chow Down Place
Dear Factory Worker,
I would like to be employed in your fine doggy establishment as a doggy treat tester and taster. I have had many dog years of experience in this department as my owner has bought me several treats over my lifetime. Because of my experience as a treat eater, treats which i have rejected is discarded by my owner and those same treats do not do that well on the market. I can assure you, with my special treat sampling ability i will be one of the greatest asset to your delicious establishment. I look forward to chowing down....er...I mean sampling your treats. Please see following Resume.
Albert The Dog
Albert Drool Poo
2 Bark Alley, Florida. Email:firstname.lastname@example.org, Contact:555-5555
House Pet - 2010-Present
Barking at the mailman hoping one day to give him a few nibbles. Good slippers chewer. Chews on owners favorite slippers. Digs up the yard to bury stuff or simply to lie in to cool off. Eat the best tasting treats and Dog foods provided to me. Mark my scent on the tomato plants in the back yard. Provide fun and enjoyment for the entire family.
Home Pet Training
Trained to sit, stop, roll over, fetch and many other commands, most of which i ignore because i think my owner is lazy and go pick up his own newspaper.
"Farmer Joe raised carrots, corn and beans
He loved his straw hat and his washed out blue jeans
He live alone with a dog he called git
But was so frustrated every-time he called the dog it would split
Farmer Joe threatened to give the dog away
Because when he called his dog he simply ran away
But someone told him about a man who could train his dog well
So he hired him because he thought it was swell
So the trainer arrived and saw farmer Joe running away some crows
"Git, Git, Git going you vermin" let my corn grow
The dog trainer asked, "Isn't Git the name of your dog Mr Joe?"
"Now i see why when you call your dog instead of coming, he Goes"
"The dog thinks you are running him away because you say "Git" when you run away the crows"
"You had better change your dog's name if you want him to stay close"
"Bless you young fella, i will come up with a new name for him now"
"Tomorrow maybe, if my old bones allow"
So the next morning farmer Joe arose with a new name for his pet dog Git
He decided to call him split
Now the pesky teenagers were back making fun of farmer Joe
And he drew his fork and ran to the door
Split, Git, Split you pesky fools
Now out rushed his Dog, who ran away with the pesky teens, and all his dog left was his drools
Now farmer Joe was sad and decided to get a new Dog, he called him Scram!
Now the crows are back!
Have you ever seen a pooch with attitude? Well, in all my time that i have been pooching around, i can tell you that your dog does get angry at you sometimes and will give you the doggy cold shoulder, it may not last as long as when a human does it because Dogs just don't know how to hold a grudge, it's not in them, they just protest for a while and later on end up licking your face, begging to be petted and simply cuddling beside you. So here are the top five reasons your dog may just give you the cold shoulder.
1. Why did the dog cross the road?
To get t the Barking lot.
2. What do you get on a sunny day while walking your dog?
A Hot Dog.
3. Which Animal Keeps The Best Time?
A Watch Dog
4. Which Pants have no zipper, no waste, no pocket and no legs?
A Dog Pants.
5. Why did the Dog slap the Vet?
He called her a bitch.
6. Why did the dog run away from the farm?
Because he had Fleas.
7. Which Dog loves to takes bubble bath?
8. Which Markets dogs will never go to?
A flea market
9. Which dog is half beef, half dog?
A bull dog
10. Why do Dogs love trees?
They Both have barks
A woman called our airline customer-service desk asking if she could take her dog on board.“Sure,” I said, “as long as you provide your own kennel.” I further explained that the kennel needed to be large enough for the dog to stand up, sit down, turn around, and roll over.
The customer was flummoxed: “I’ll never be able to teach him all of that by tomorrow!”